Gary wrote this in a love letter to his wife, Dolly:
You’re turning eighty-two soon. You’re six centimeters shorter, and you only weigh forty-five kilograms.
But you’re still beautiful, graceful, and make my heart race.
We’ve been together for fifty-eight years, and my love for you keeps getting stronger.
There’s this annoying emptiness in my chest, and it only gets filled when your warm body is pressed against mine.
Compared to young couples kissing on the street, the romance of an old couple loving each other is even more enviable.
This romance can’t be achieved by human instinct. Instead, it’s a precious reward earned after overcoming human weaknesses.
By nature, people are more sensitive to change and enjoy seeking new experiences.
There are too many “love at first sight” moments that end up in mutual dislike.
But there are always those marriages that inspire us, where couples stay together happily ever after. These couples often do the following four things.
Treat It Like a Business
TV shows often portray perfect love that’s meant to be, which easily makes people think that there’s one right person out there, and all we have to do is find them.
People with this “searching” mindset often blame the other person when they encounter problems in their marriage, instead of thinking about how to solve them.
But there’s no such thing as a perfect partner in this world. It’s about two fifty-percent people making their marriage one hundred percent. Couples shouldn’t just be together, they should treat their marriage like a business, working together to solve life’s problems.
David always loved gardening. When his wife, Sarah, was pregnant and couldn’t do much, he took care of the plants. Slowly, it became his hobby too.
When the plants he carefully tended bloomed, he would be ecstatic and excitedly take pictures. In his free time, they would fertilize and weed together, renovate the balcony, and go to the flower market, busy and happy.
Later, David’s company had some problems, and he was laid off. After discussing it, they decided to try starting a flower business. They started from scratch, figuring things out together, step by step.
With passion, attention to detail, and family support, David’s business slowly started to thrive. Sarah quit her job, and they turned their shared passion into a career.
Couples with a common goal are like comrades fighting side by side. They’re working towards the same goal, so even if they disagree, they won’t have conflicts that completely derail their direction.
“Love is not looking at each other, but looking in the same direction.”
As they work towards their goals, they grow together, finding happiness in every little thing, making each other the right person in the end.
Seek Understanding, Not Approval
Love won’t last if it doesn’t get down to the real things of life, like dressing, eating, sleeping, and counting money.
True love is not being nervous. It’s being able to burp, fart, pick your ears, and have a runny nose in front of them. Someone who truly loves you is the one you can see without washing your face, combing your hair, or putting on makeup.
When we first meet someone, we all want to show our best side and gain their approval. It’s understandable. But the foundation of lasting love and marriage is mutual understanding, not approval.
Don’t just share your good side, share your weaknesses, vulnerabilities, and fears. You also need to understand your partner completely.
Only seeing a perfect illusion, not the real person, makes it hard to accept reality when the illusion suddenly breaks.
Allow Conflicts and Arguments
In the human symphony of marriage, small arguments are essential notes. If there are none, we should praise it as a heavenly melody, or wonder if it’s nearing its end.
What determines whether a marriage is happy is not whether there have been arguments, but the proportion of arguments. Too few arguments, like too many arguments, are both detrimental to a marriage in the long run.
Two people raised in different families are bound to have different personalities and habits. Conflict is inevitable. If a couple has never argued, someone is suppressing themselves, and such a marriage won’t be sustainable.
Arguments are a way to understand each other. What you think is insignificant might be a trigger for your partner. Always stepping on their triggers will wear down even the deepest love.
Daniel and Michelle have been married for over twenty years, and they still exude a natural sense of happiness when they appear together.
They have completely opposite personalities. Michelle is fiery and quick-tempered, while Daniel is slow and methodical.
In interviews, they admit they argue often. Daniel even confessed to once breaking a wine bottle in anger.
But arguments haven’t broken them up. Because they love each other, they’re willing to communicate and compromise, constantly adjusting and coming to understand each other’s flaws, yet still loving each other deeply.
Value Your Partner’s Strengths
The same half-cup of water can be seen as half-full or half-empty. The difference lies in what you focus on.
Focusing solely on your partner’s flaws can make you fall into prolonged misery.
Often, strengths aren’t absent, but they’re taken for granted after you become accustomed to them, and then they’re overlooked.
Praising your partner’s strengths will help them continue and grow. Complimenting their good behavior can cultivate habits and create new strengths. Gradually, your partner will become more and more like the person you hope for.
Just as we can’t demand perfection from ourselves, we can’t demand perfection from our partners.
The key to a long-lasting marriage is to nurture it, strive for understanding, embrace arguments, communicate with love, and offer praise.
May we all grow in the journey of marriage, and find happiness in loving and being loved.