After experiencing emotional betrayal, if there’s one thing you must face, learn, and understand, it’s this:
Don’t rely on this relationship for your future happiness.
In reality, once you realize this and start working on it, the problem is already half-solved, or you’ve already started to walk out of the shadows and hurt of betrayal.
Why do so many people get stuck in an endless cycle of pain when faced with their partner’s betrayal, constantly wavering and torturing themselves? It’s because they still rely on the other person, still rely on this relationship—but in reality, this reliance might just be psychological, not realistic. In life, this person might already be dispensable.
Betrayal, after all, is just a problem, although a difficult one. But since it’s a problem, there must be a solution. We often say, “There are more solutions than problems.”
The reason we can’t solve it is not because the problem is too hard, but because we don’t have enough solutions, or we don’t think we do. For example, in a marriage where the other person has already ignored you and the emotions have dwindled, ending it could be a solution, but you might not think so, and instead believe that reviving the relationship is the solution.
Whether you accept it or not, there’s a principle that exists: betrayal is a warning, reminding those who overly rely on their partner in marriage to be cautious. The person who betrayed you is not someone you can truly rely on.
At first, you might not believe it, and then heaven will make you see it again; the second time, you still don’t believe it, and heaven will make you see it countless times. So, when will you accept this fact—that the other person is indeed not reliable?
Many people actually avoid this problem, not because they don’t see it, but because they choose to “deceive” themselves, comforting themselves by saying, “They’ll change,” or “Our future is still full of possibilities…”.
Any change requires conditions and reasons; it’s a cause-and-effect relationship. So, ask yourself, is there really a reason or sign that makes you firmly believe the other person can change, the marriage can improve, and you can rely on them again? Or are you just comforting yourself?
Why don’t you dare face reality, and why do you choose to escape, because you can’t rely on yourself.
Someone who can’t rely on themselves will, when faced with a problem, immediately seek help from others, just like when we were kids and would cry to our parents when we encountered a problem. Why did we go to our parents? Because they were our reliable dependence—but now that we’re grown, we can’t keep crying to them.
Is it not the same in marriage and relationships?
When you first fell in love, you could be lovesick and distraught, but after so many years of marriage, if you’re still dealing with emotions like that, it’s childish. If someone doesn’t cherish themselves, doesn’t love themselves, and doesn’t treat themselves well, they can be sad and hurt, but don’t beg.
Mature people prioritize dignity above all; those without dignity will live a miserable life.
When someone can’t be their own reliance, the first and only choice is to learn to rely on themselves, putting their happiness and hopes entirely on themselves, and never relying on the other person again. Because all “dependencies” are voluntary, meaning love and emotions are voluntary, not forced or demanded.
Someone might be good to you for various reasons, but someone who genuinely treats you well must be a genuine person who truly wants to be good to you—you can take this as a truth.
What is happiness? Happiness is a beautiful flower; if someone gives it to you, they can take it back anytime, trample it under their feet; only the flower you nurture yourself, cradle in your own hands, will forever belong to you, and no one can take it away.