There are always people complaining about losing too much freedom after getting married. Men lose the freedom to hang out with friends, to smoke, to play cards, and to pursue their personal interests. Women, because of their mothers-in-law, lose the freedom to educate their children, to work, and to go shopping.
In short, the carefree days of being single are gone, and married life is full of troubles, with no end in sight. It’s a mix of emotions, and all you can say is, “What can you do?”
Emma is 32 years old and wants to live a free and easy single life, so she hasn’t gotten married yet. That is, until she met Ben at a friend’s gathering and fell in love.
What Emma loves about Ben, aside from his down-to-earth and humorous nature, is that he agrees with her views on marriage—they want to be a DINK (Dual Income, No Kids) family!
Emma doesn’t want to lose her freedom completely after having kids, and she can’t stand the idea of becoming like many women who have kids and let themselves go. So, when she found out Ben was on the same page, she happily agreed to marry him.
Initially, the two planned to live their own lives after getting married, but they couldn’t resist Ben’s parents’ enthusiasm and persuasion. Emma compromised and moved in with Ben’s parents. They got along pretty well, and the in-laws were very caring towards Emma.
However, it wasn’t long before Ben’s parents started pressuring Emma to have a child. Emma was moved by their sincerity and had a baby boy. She thought life would be calm from then on, but problems arose because of the kid. Emma and her in-laws had many disagreements, and Ben, who had failed in his investments, became lazy and wanted to be a stay-at-home dad. Emma had to start working again two months after giving birth.
Emma felt trapped and wanted a divorce, but then she thought, “My husband may not be perfect, but he’s still kind to me. My in-laws may be old-fashioned, but they’re good to the kid.” Emma realized that she wanted to find a man who shared her views on life, but instead, she compromised and lost her freedom.
Life is full of flavors, but the most common one is helplessness.
Think about the people around you—who doesn’t have their own helplessness? If you see someone smiling, it doesn’t mean they’re not helpless; they’ve just learned to accept it and find happiness in it. If you see someone looking worried, it doesn’t mean they’re the most unfortunate; they’re just trapped in their helplessness and have given up on finding happiness.
Emma’s heart longed for freedom, but where can you find absolute freedom? If having kids means losing freedom, but isn’t the concern for your children a kind of happiness? Isn’t being alone and childless a kind of sadness? If finding a man with a car and a house, whose parents have passed away, means freedom, won’t you still have conflicts with your in-laws? Don’t children having grandparents to care for them count as a kind of happiness? Isn’t it great to have three generations under one roof?
If having a unsuccessful husband means taking on economic burdens and losing freedom, then what about those rich ladies who spend their days shopping, walking their dogs, getting beauty treatments? Don’t they have their own loneliness and fears?
If freedom means having no one to answer to, then can’t I say that’s also a kind of unfreedom, because you have no family to return to? If having a family is a kind of unfreedom, then can’t I say that’s also a kind of freedom, because you at least have a family to return to?
The purpose of life is to find happiness, and happiness lies between freedom and unfreedom!
When you have complete freedom, you’ll also feel lonely. When you have concerns, you’ll also taste happiness!
Happiness is a feeling. Freedom isn’t about having no constraints; it’s about truly understanding life.