In reality, most people feel pain when faced with betrayal. But have you ever thought: Are you really feeling this much pain because you still love the other person?
The main point here is not to question your love, but to avoid wasting it.
Is Value More Important Than Love?
When betrayed, we often struggle to determine if we can still love the other person and if they still have feelings for us.
This dilemma becomes the major reason why many people find it hard to make a decision. Initially, it was indeed love that brought them together. However, we often overlook the best time for self-healing and problem-solving.
After betrayal, the significance of whether we love each other or not becomes far less important than the question of value.
Value is what we should prioritize and consider before deciding if we can still love.
Rather than getting tangled in the vortex of loving or being loved, it’s better to think about what actions are most worthwhile.
Break down this pain with specific indicators. Ask yourself what exactly is causing your pain.
Are you worried about losing your financial support by leaving them, or resentful that you’ve given so much but received betrayal in return?
Is it the inability to let go of the good times you had together, or the fear of judgment and mockery from others?
Is it about the children not having both parents around, or your struggle to step out of your comfort zone?
Or maybe it’s a mix of all these reasons…
Once you understand what’s causing your pain, tackle each issue one by one:
If it’s about financial insecurity, find ways to earn money. If you can’t let go of past emotions, seek compensations in other aspects.
The memories of the past have turned into smoke, they hold no meaning. How your life progresses is solely your concern, don’t worry about what others think.
If you can handle the risk of being betrayed again or have the ability to rebuild trust, forgiving might not be the worst choice…
So, when you start considering the concept of value, that’s when you truly begin to think effectively.
By making love and pain tangible and breaking them down, you take control of your emotions rather than being controlled by them.
Therefore, when facing such issues, don’t let yourself drown in pain or rush to move on, ignoring your inner turmoil.
It’s Not About Reluctance, It’s About Unwillingness
Have you ever thought about what marriage truly tests?
Is it the love between the couple, their financial capabilities, their ability to empathize, or their communication skills? In fact, it’s none of these.
The ultimate test is on human nature.
Most of the time, when people choose to salvage a marriage after betrayal, it’s not because they can’t let go or fear for their children’s well-being, but because they can’t accept that their efforts have been in vain.
Your pain doesn’t stem from reluctance, it comes from unwillingness, and that’s human nature.
A couple who had been lovingly married for over a decade, with children in middle school.
One day, the wife caught her husband in an excited conversation with someone. She didn’t suspect anything and approached him casually, only to be met with sudden anger and accusations of disrespecting his privacy, followed by him storming off to the bathroom.
This unusual behavior made the wife realize something was wrong. Later, she checked his phone in secret and found evidence of multiple affairs.
After confronting each other, the husband proposed a divorce, but the wife couldn’t bear to end the relationship and they decided to continue.
But honestly, it’s hard to mend such a situation back to its original state. The wife will always have a knot in her heart.
After a while of coping, the wife ended up having an affair. When the husband questioned her actions, she retorted, claiming he deserved the betrayal…
Some couples may appear loving, but when conflicts arise, it’s difficult to truly resolve them. Temporary compromises cannot cover up the growing scars.
When the wife forgave, it might have been partly due to reluctance, but more so, it was about unwillingness.
Don’t Equate Pain with Love
They say the deeper the love, the heavier the hurt.
This notion implies that when faced with betrayal, the pain you feel can be equated to the love you’ve given. But that’s not entirely true.
Sometimes, the pain reflects the depth of obsession, not the amount of love.
A woman who remains fixated on her partner after being betrayed will always feel a sting no matter the future choices they make.
A man who has been cuckolded and chooses to compromise will always have doubts, no matter how caring and understanding his partner becomes.
It’s hard to simply equate this dilemma with love.
So, the question, “Is the pain after betrayal due to still loving the other person?” is already well answered.
The pain after betrayal may serve as an emotional release, a way to process the past, a determination to give yourself closure… But it’s hard to guarantee it’s still love.
Because once a person who has been loved gets hurt, it’s difficult for them to love again.
And when you realize that the other person is no different deep down, you’ll understand better: all the pain you endured was preparing you for a new beginning!