We’re afraid to admit we love ourselves. We’re afraid people will judge us, call us selfish. They’ll say, “Besides yourself, who else do you love?”
Especially those cheesy articles and short videos, whenever they talk about men or women cheating in marriage, they always say this:
“Do these cheating men and women love their spouses more, or their lovers more?” After a reasoned analysis, they’ll conclude, “They don’t love either their spouses or their lovers. They’re just selfish and love themselves.”
So, who dares to say they love themselves openly?
“Love without temptation, determination without hostility. Throughout our lives, we’re convincing ourselves to love ourselves, not convincing others to love us.”
Yes, in marriage, what should we do when our intimate relationship is suddenly broken by the other person?
What’s the Real Cure for Cheating?
For years, no matter what I’ve written, I’ve never dared to use the word “cheating.” It’s like if I don’t use the word, there will be no men or women “cheating” in marriages.
But the truth is, that’s just our wishful thinking and a way of trying to cover things up. Whether we want to face it or not, cheating is still the cruelest bomb that can blow up a happy marriage. It causes the cheated-on person to suddenly see their wall of happiness crumble overnight, leaving them mired in pain, unable to pull themselves out.
People who have been cheated on usually go through three stages of psychological change.
The first stage is the period of psychological pain that’s impossible to overcome.
What kind of torture is this for the body and soul? You punish yourself for someone else’s mistake, you torture yourself. Everything falls apart. The whole world is gray. You even think about ending your own life.
At this point, the cheated-on person has lost themselves and forgotten how to love themselves. You know, someone who has lost themselves and forgotten how to love themselves, who can wake them up from their pain?
The second stage is the stage of constant self-reflection. This stage is full of contradictions.
The cheated-on person keeps recalling the past in tears, then keeps making denials or decisions. One moment they’re self-reflecting, the next they feel like they’ve done nothing wrong. One moment they think about both families, the next they think about their kids.
The third stage is the stage of rebuilding confidence, finding yourself again, and making the right judgments. It’s the stage where you decide which direction to go in for the rest of your life after going through the first two stages.
If you can’t forgive your partner’s betrayal, or if your partner really wants to end the marriage, you’ll often choose to get a divorce. Of course, divorce means completely giving up on your partner, and giving up on yourself.
After going through deep pain and constant reflection, you’ll find that knowing how to be heartless can help you be truly loving. You’ll realize that making such a decision requires a great deal of determination. So, after a divorce, the cheated-on person either doesn’t remarry, or they remarry rationally. Once they enter a new marriage, they’ll be happier.
If you choose to forgive, it will be a process of constant inflammation and healing of the wound. In this healing process, the injured party will become more rational, and they’ll unknowingly learn to love themselves again.
So, we need to deeply understand one thing: Only you are the cure for cheating. Loving yourself doesn’t mean harming others for your own benefit. It’s about reshaping your character and regaining your self-esteem. After experiencing the enlightenment of marriage, you’ll be wiser in running your life from now on.
Being Kind to Your Spouse Is Like Accumulating Good Karma
“When young, you don’t dislike a poor husband, when old, you don’t dislike an ugly wife.” “Don’t forget the kindness of those who were with you when you were poor, and don’t abandon your wife who has shared your hardships.” These are well-known sayings that everyone knows and understands.
But in real life, those men and women who willingly married each other often betray each other for various reasons. Especially the cheated-on party, who is wholeheartedly committed to the relationship, what kind of hurt does this betrayal inflict?
But we must remember that life is always fair. It’s like a mirror. No matter what decisions you make, what you see in the mirror is always your truest self. The melons and beans you plant, you’ll see them clearly reflected in the mirror. Your heartlessness will eventually come back to you.
Roy and his wife fell in love and got married. They had a cute daughter. Their marriage should be described as happy. Both husband and wife had good jobs. Their daughter excelled in school. Her parents were in relatively good health.
But after a long time, Roy felt that life was too boring and dull. His heart began to become restless. He had an affair with a married woman, and the other woman divorced her husband because of him.
Roy thought this was true love. He ignored his family’s objections and finally got a divorce after breaking up with his wife. But the happiness he thought he would find didn’t come after the divorce. The family he built on an extramarital affair was full of suspicion between the two of them.
As a result, Roy suffered a stroke in his middle age due to excessive stress. His new wife sold their house and took their savings and disappeared with her own child while Roy was in the hospital. When his ex-wife persuaded their daughter to take care of Roy, Roy used his personal experience to sum up in one sentence: “Being kind to your spouse is like accumulating good karma.”
Life is so realistic and true. The true love you think you’ve found by betraying your partner is actually full of distrust and suspicion. When disaster strikes, you’re just two birds in the woods.
In life, we all have the same goal and direction: to keep moving towards happiness. In marriage, how do you maintain intimacy with your partner? How do you cultivate your relationship?