Operating a marriage, a family, is not easy; it requires emotional investment, dedication, and hard work. In a marriage, two people need to support each other, weather the storms together, and that’s how a marriage can last and bring happiness.
So, marriage requires sacrifice, tolerance, respect, and even compromise—but the ultimate goal is for one’s own happiness.
If we put it more straightforwardly, marriage is tough, but the purpose of the struggle is for one’s own happiness.
It’s like nurturing a tree, from planting a seed to harvesting the fruit; all the hard work and sweat are worth it. But if the fruit is stolen or doesn’t bloom, the outcome is unbearable.
So, when you’re in a marriage, you must realize that all your efforts are for your own happiness, not for anything else. You’re working towards your own harvest, not someone else’s.
Some people might be puzzled: “What’s the point of all this? I already know these principles!”
My point is: don’t forget these simple principles and stray from your original intentions.
In reality, many people have already forgotten their initial goals and are driven by inertia, turning their marriage into a self-consolation show.
Especially those who are unhappy and hurt in their marriage, they easily fall into the role of self-consolation, taking all the unpleasantness in their marriage as a way to “cultivate themselves.”
The “self-consolation type” usually has a strong tendency to compromise and yield. In relationships, when they feel uncomfortable, they tend to compromise and yield instead of standing firm. They focus on convincing themselves to accept everything. That’s why they often appear to be very understanding, as they’re skilled at “compromising.”
For instance, when someone slaps them, their first thought isn’t to retaliate, but to tell themselves, “Forget it, I’m a tolerant person.” They not only endure the humiliation but also feel superior to others.
But is that really the case?
People who compromise often have a soft heart, are afraid to say no, and are easily deceived. They’re also cowardly, timid, and indecisive.
The result of compromising is that they often get taken advantage of, and when they finally realize it, they’re left with no choice but to fight back or fall into despair.
Another characteristic of the “self-consolation type” is that they tend to take on responsibilities for others.
In a marriage, responsibilities and obligations are mutual and shared between two people. It’s like a partnership where you can’t specifically divide the responsibilities, but that doesn’t mean one person should take on all the burdens.
You see, this is another principle that everyone understands but often ignores.
The self-consolation type often takes on all the responsibilities in a marriage, shouldering everything that belongs to themselves and their partner. They think that’s what marriage is all about.
Why is that? Their answer is: “Marriage is about two people becoming one, isn’t it?”
But should it be that way? If the other person is grateful, it might be worth it. But what if the other person is a jerk? Would it still be worth it?
It’s like those unhappy marriages that bring pain and suffering, causing harm and misery. The reason is often the other person, who intentionally destroys the relationship. So, if you take on all the responsibilities, hoping to change the other person and make the marriage happy, can you really do it?
In reality, some marriages have people who only take and don’t give, and if you’re the one who takes on all the responsibilities, you’ll end up being the “hero” who gets hurt.
Some people even manipulate others to do things for them, like washing the dishes after dinner. They praise you for being capable, and you happily do it. But before that, you’ve already had a long day at work, rushed back home, bought groceries, and cooked dinner…
— Did they see your hard work? Did you see their selfishness?
So, remember, the purpose of marriage is for your own happiness, not to watch someone else’s show, get emotional, and then do nothing about it.