Valentine’s Day is over, but my cousin is fighting with her boyfriend.
They’re basically engaged, so I didn’t think much of it when she told me about it. I figured it was just a normal fight, and they’d be fine in a few days.
But after she stayed at my place for a day, I realized things weren’t so simple.
My cousin and her boyfriend’s problem is simple: their different ways of thinking. This difference can’t be erased, and it keeps causing problems.
My cousin complained:
“I feel like he’s changed. Before, he was so thoughtful and patient. Now he’s cold and impatient. I say a few words, and he thinks I’m nagging. Forget about being considerate, he can’t even hold a normal conversation sometimes.”
My cousin said they used to talk about everything. Now, she’s the only one talking, and her boyfriend barely says anything. She feels like he’s not even listening when she talks to him. She feels like he doesn’t care anymore and doesn’t put her first like he used to.
Since they moved in together, my cousin cleans the house, cooks, and does the chores. She feels like she does a lot, but her boyfriend just takes it for granted. After a while, she complains and gets upset. He doesn’t try to cheer her up like he used to. Sometimes, when she’s really angry, he’ll just go out to the balcony and smoke.
“The longer we’re together, the less he appreciates me. He has no idea what I’m thinking!”
My cousin’s complaints reminded me of my roommate’s boyfriend. They had a fight, and my roommate went home. Her boyfriend came to apologize, but she wasn’t there. He complained to me that he didn’t understand women.
Why do women talk so much about a simple problem? Why do they keep thinking about the same thing? Why do they want to talk about it with him? Why do they always think he doesn’t care or isn’t trying?
In a close relationship, we always want the other person to understand us better, to be more understanding and accepting. We all crave close relationships because they’re irreplaceable. But no one, not our parents, friends, lovers, or partners, can fully understand us. The beauty of a close relationship between a man and a woman is that you keep discovering and exploring yourself, which gives you a sense of value and fulfillment.
So, the best kind of love is “finding yourself because of you.”
But what if one day, you realize that the person you love has changed? Maybe they haven’t changed, but you have. How do you deal with it?
You try to improve your relationship. You try different things, learn some methods, change your understanding of love and relationships, and try to make your life together happier and more harmonious.
Two people don’t have to be the same to get along. As long as they’re mature enough in personality and behavior, they can understand each other through communication. This is what people call “being right for each other.”
Many people live together but don’t love each other that much, or they love each other to different degrees. But they still get along well. Love can’t be developed, but feelings can. And feelings can improve.
Problems between two people don’t come from just one person. But people often think it’s the other person’s problem, which leads to a lot of dissatisfaction and resentment.
People love to argue about who’s right and wrong. But in love, often, neither person is wrong.
We all see things from our own perspective. We try to do what we think is best for the other person. But that’s often where the problem lies. What we think is good, the other person might not think is good. What we think is easy, the other person might find difficult. It’s not that the other person doesn’t care about us, but that we’re different.
Many people complain about their partners, like my cousin. But if you really can’t stand your partner’s actions, if you think they’re wrong and you’re perfect, why are you still together?
Deep down, we all know that our partners aren’t irredeemable. Most of the time, it’s just differences and communication that are the problem.
So, let’s stop complaining and find solutions. Many people know what the problem is, but they think there’s nothing they can do about it.
The truth is, two people’s relationship gets better as they adjust to each other. Recognizing that both people have problems and understanding that you’re different will help you solve problems better.