The Love Problem Behind Habits!
Each person has lived with habits for decades, and almost no couple has identical habits.
At the beginning of love, because you haven’t experienced the trivialities of life together, you won’t have direct conflicts in your habits. However, after living together, you’ll discover that the huge differences in habits will severely affect your emotions and become an insurmountable gap!
Maybe someone will say I’m being overly cautious, and such small things aren’t worth mentioning. However, those who have experienced it know that life is made up of small things, and habits are repeated small things that are hard to change.
Habits are the most unnoticeable yet deeply ingrained things. Because of long-term repetition, they become your instincts, like breathing, heartbeat, and subconsciousness in your brain.
I rarely see anyone who can truly change their habits, and most can only control them. Why? Because habits themselves don’t have a clear right or wrong, and it’s the addictions that can cause life crises, such as smoking, drug abuse, and excessive drinking!
Fundamentally, this isn’t a habit, but an addiction!
What we’re referring to as habits are daily behaviors, such as hygiene, tidying, usage, and aesthetics. These are the comfortable behavioral norms we’ve developed over time, and once they’re changed, we’ll feel like our freedom is being invaded!
A cleanliness freak can’t stand a sloppy person, and a carefree person can’t accept strict rules. One or two times is okay, but if there are long-term habit conflicts, it’ll make life lose its harmony, and with the pressure and trivialities of life, it may even lead to divorce!
You can imagine, every time you tidy up the house, your partner can mess it up in just a few minutes. You’re excited to order takeout and enjoy a romantic dinner with your partner, but they suggest you wash your hands and do the dishes first. You always put toothpaste in a fixed position, but your partner always leaves it anywhere.
You get angry, wondering why your partner can’t just accommodate you a bit. But your partner thinks the same, and you both feel the other person is not tolerant enough. In the end, you’ll feel like you’re not loved enough!
So, someone might say, “Just find someone with similar habits.” But you’ll discover that you often fall in love with someone who’s vastly different from you!
Behind each person’s habits is their personality defect!
People with cleanliness and tidiness habits often have a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder, which stems from insecurity and is deeply rooted in their upbringing. Their advantage is being meticulous and proactive, but their disadvantage is lacking tolerance and understanding.
Those who are casual and laid-back often have parents who are similar. Their advantage is being open-minded and tolerant, but their disadvantage is being complacent and not striving for progress.
In the early stages of love, the advantages of these two types of people often attract each other, and they appreciate each other. However, after living together, their disadvantages often cover up their advantages, and they start to dislike each other!
If a couple can’t walk together due to differing values, that’s a mismatch. But if they break up because of daily habits, the reason is simply “not loving enough.” Liking is appreciating the other person’s advantages, and loving is tolerating their disadvantages.
If you demand your partner to completely compromise on their habits, that’s selfish. But if you see your partner willing to change for you, even if it’s not thorough, you should feel grateful.
Different habits lead to accusations, and accusations make the other person resentful. In the end, even the best relationships will fall apart. Because no one wants to be accused, and even deep emotions can’t overcome the resentment that follows. Therefore, communication skills are crucial, and the way you speak determines whether you can spend the rest of your life together. When one person compromises, and the other doesn’t, it’ll lead to despair, and eventually, divorce.
If someone with cleanliness habits sees their partner cleaning up to please them, but secretly leaving dirty socks and clothes in the corner, you shouldn’t get angry but understand that they’re doing it out of love for you.
And if someone with casual habits sees their partner working hard to tidy up for them, you should appreciate their labor.
When you tolerate and accommodate each other’s habits, it becomes a joyful aspect of life. You’ll understand that it’s a small annoyance that’s a manifestation of love!
All advantages have a flip side, which is their disadvantage. When you choose someone’s advantages and enjoy them, you must also accept their disadvantages. When you can’t stand their disadvantages, remind yourself that you chose them because of their advantages! Similar people are only suitable for playing together, but only complementary people are suitable for growing old together!
