The Most Comfortable Relationship: Don’t Ask, Don’t Overreach, Don’t Force
“A friendship between gentlemen is like water, so pure that it never gets stale.” It’s because of its simplicity that it can last.
People, no matter how close they are, shouldn’t get too close. It’s like suffocating.
Some people talk too much and offend others.
Some people meddle too much and make others feel pressured.
Whether you’re being a person or doing things, you need to know your limits and not cross the line.
Just say what you need to say, and do what you need to do. Then your relationships will be comfortable.
Don’t Ask, Just Understand
Don’t pry into someone’s past. It might be a memory they never want to touch.
Everyone has secrets they don’t want others to know, and they don’t want others to ask.
In the book *Life at Sea*, the father only had one close friend, the Colonel.
The father and the Colonel were born in the same month and year. They grew up together, catching cicadas, digging for bird eggs, catching snails, raising crickets…
At thirteen, they both became apprentices to a carpenter. They ate from the same pot, slept on the same bed, and were as close as brothers.
Later, due to some incident, the Colonel was drafted into the army. When he returned to the village, he was a strange, mysterious Colonel, considered an outsider by everyone.
The villagers gossiped about the Colonel, calling him a eunuch behind his back. Because of this nickname, everyone wanted to pry into his physical secrets.
The Colonel didn’t care about the rumors, but when someone tried to get to the bottom of the secrets in his pants, he became very concerned and guarded.
Because keeping his secret was his last dignity, his pride that he had to protect with his life.
Even the father, who was very close to the Colonel, didn’t know his secret. The father respected the Colonel’s privacy and never asked or mentioned it.
There’s a line in *The Wind* that says: “Some people spend their whole lives trying to forget certain things. It’s immoral to ask about them.”
To satisfy your own curiosity, to pry into someone’s privacy and pain, is like rubbing salt on a wound.
Those who don’t pry, they understand other people’s pain, they know how to protect other people’s self-esteem.
Many times, this kind of quiet kindness is the most heartwarming.
No matter how good the relationship, don’t pry into each other’s privacy, don’t ask about things people don’t want to talk about.
They say distance creates beauty. Only by respecting each other and giving each other some space can you preserve each other’s beauty, and your feelings will last.
Don’t Overreach, Just Be Comfortable
Everything has a limit. You need to know your limits.
When interacting with people, if you don’t know your limits when talking and doing things, it will only make your relationship distant.
Once, Ethan went out to eat with an old classmate. His classmate had a nine-to-five job, easy and carefree. He kept trying to convince Ethan to take the civil service exam.
Ethan told him that he liked competitive work in a company, and he didn’t want to take the civil service exam.
But his classmate wouldn’t give up. He listed the disadvantages of working in private companies and belittled Ethan’s job.
He said: “You guys who have been in the private sector for too long have a narrow perspective. Companies often work overtime, you don’t even have a pension fund, and you could be fired at any time. What kind of future can you have working in a company like that?”
Ethan could only keep repeating to him that the system was good, but it wasn’t his pursuit.
But his classmate scoffed: “You don’t work to pursue stability and benefits, are you trying to be a good person, to do good deeds?”
You can’t talk to someone who doesn’t understand you. Ethan was helpless. He didn’t explain anymore and rushed out to leave.
“All interactions have boundaries that cannot be crossed, and all trouble and conflict stem from an unconscious desire to break those boundaries.”
In reality, there are always some people who are used to standing on their own point of view and meddling in other people’s lives.
They don’t realize that the more self-righteous and inconsiderate of others’ feelings they are, the more they want to be left alone.
A good relationship will know to consider the other person and not interfere with their choices.
Everyone is an independent individual and has their own boundaries.
When dealing with people, know your limits, and your relationship will be harmonious.
Just say what you need to say, and do what you need to do. Then your relationships will be comfortable.
Don’t Force, Just Be Free
A comfortable relationship is one where you don’t force yourself and you don’t force others.
In the coming and going, the closeness is casual, and the gathering and scattering is up to fate.
Jessica and Sarah worked at the same game company. They were not only colleagues, but also good friends in life.
Jessica is introverted and doesn’t like socializing. Sarah is outgoing, has a good tongue, is good at dealing with people, and is good at socializing.
In addition to supporting each other at work, they often went out to sing, shop, and travel together.
Later, Sarah was promoted to another city because of her outstanding work performance.
In the half year after she left, Sarah and Jessica kept in touch. They often texted each other, called each other, asked about each other’s situation, complained about the troubles at work, and shared the little things in life.
But gradually, Jessica found that Sarah rarely replied to her text messages.
At first, Jessica thought she was busy with work and didn’t have time to reply.
Until she saw Sarah posting pictures of her having dinner with new friends and having fun in her Moments, she realized.
It turned out that their friendship, because of the change of environment and the limitation of face-to-face communication, eventually couldn’t withstand the growing distance.
So, Jessica sent Sarah a final message of blessing and stopped contacting her.
Sarah lived a colorful life in the new city, and Jessica lived her own small life in her hometown, enjoying the peace and quiet.
I heard a saying: The best state of friendship is that when you are together, you are natural and happy, and when you are not together, you each live your own life.
In this life, you have your pursuit, he has his choice, everyone wants to pursue the life they want.
If the fate is deep, then walk hand in hand, each other’s support.
If the fate is shallow, then smile and bless, each other’s passersby.
In a relationship, only when you stop forcing yourself will you be able to live a freer and happier life.
It’s not easy for adults to maintain good relationships with each other.
Sometimes, a small gesture makes people uncomfortable.
Sometimes, a heartwarming word makes people happy.
But when dealing with people, the most comfortable relationship is to say and do just what you need to.
Don’t pry into other people’s privacy, and getting along won’t be tiring.
Don’t interfere with other people’s choices, and getting along will be comfortable.
Don’t force other people’s thoughts, and getting along will be free.
For the rest of your life, may you and I be able to smile brightly and live comfortably in a comfortable relationship.
