“Maybe we don’t think our way of talking is abusive, but language can definitely cause pain to ourselves and others.” This kind of pain caused by language is especially common in marriage, because the person we spend the most time with in our lives is probably our wife or husband.
Marriage is sometimes like a long journey. Whether your partner can see your beauty, understand what you’re saying, and say what you want to hear will determine whether the journey is enjoyable.
To know if your marriage is going well, you can look at how you talk to each other. How you talk is how your marriage will be.
Words of Praise Make Marriage Sweeter
“Marriage is like a carved ship, it’s up to you to appreciate it and how you navigate it.”
If you can appreciate and praise each other in marriage, you’ll get more sweet moments.
I was chatting with my friend the other day, and she said her husband had become really cute. She had a big smile on her face and her eyes were full of laughter. She looked like a newlywed, not someone who had been married for a few years. I laughed and asked her if she had any secrets. She said seriously, “It’s mainly about praising him. I praise him every day, and I make sure it’s on point.”
My friend combined “praise” with “love.” She discovered that only sincere praise with love is what we want, and this kind of praise makes both of you closer. Marriage life instantly becomes sweeter.
“Stable marriages come in all shapes and sizes. It’s not uncommon or even important that you were once madly in love. What’s most important is that after the passion fades and time passes, you still give each other a thumbs up, still think everything is the best arrangement, and still think everything is the best choice.”
Sincere and specific praise for your partner is a way to send a signal of love and to nurture the flower of love. I hope we can all say more words of praise in our marriages and reap more sweet moments.
Encouraging Words Make Marriage Stronger
“Marriage needs another kind of bond besides love. The strongest bond isn’t children, or money, or wealth, it’s the kind of loyalty that makes you willing to go through anything for each other.”
The best marriages are built on mutual support and encouragement. Life is full of setbacks, but if you have someone who knows you, loves you, and encourages you, you’ll have the courage to start over. Because even if you face a storm, you know you have a warm home as your haven and a steadfast lover as your backup.
It’s not easy to find someone to spend the rest of your life with. A little encouragement can make you both cherish this marriage even more.
My uncle got divorced early on and was single for almost 30 years. He’s an electrician and really good at what he does. But he’s a bit of a lone wolf, and he spends all his money on himself. So he’s always been just scraping by. Last year for Chinese New Year, he suddenly brought home a girlfriend. This woman was so enthusiastic and had a healthy glow. Our whole family was charmed by her cheerfulness. We all encouraged my uncle to settle down, decorate the house, and make it ready for his soon-to-be wife.
Later, we often saw this future aunt in the family group chat. She encouraged my uncle to make more money. She even went to my grandma’s house by herself to cook, clean, chat with her, and take pictures of her. My grandma’s spirits really improved during that time. She even had a rosy complexion and looked so happy.
Facing a house with concrete floors and red brick walls, this future aunt wasn’t worried at all. She just sincerely encouraged my uncle, and finally, under her encouragement, he started working hard and saving money.
Everyone wants to be seen and wants to be encouraged. If that person is your partner, you’ll feel at ease even in your dreams.
Words of Request Make Marriage More Harmonious
Husband and wife should be equals, respecting and loving each other. Because no one wants their partner to always be the queen or king who gives orders.
When you need your partner to do something, try asking them instead of commanding them. They won’t refuse, and they’ll be happy to do it.
A harmonious marriage requires both of you to give more love, not more arrangements, in both words and actions.
Harsh Words Can Tear a Marriage Apart
“It’s okay to be wild with liking, but love is restraint.”
Everyone has their own imperfections. Everyone has moments of disappointment, frustration, and even loss of spirit. During these moments, as the closest lover, even if you don’t know how to comfort them with words, you should never say anything hurtful.
In clinical psychology, there’s a concept called verbal abuse. This abuse is invisible and intangible, so it’s easy for the abuser to ignore. But for the person who suffers this abuse, the damage can be just as bad as physical abuse, or even worse.
“In marriage, we need to use both addition and subtraction. Reduce some of the sharp edges and arguments, and add some tolerance and adaptability.”
Harsh words, besides hurting each other in the moment, also plant a thorn in your heart. This thorn always pierces your body unintentionally, hurting both of you physically and mentally, tearing your marriage apart.