Although they are all betrayals, the nature, degree, and consequences of betrayal are vastly different. Some betrayals are not worth saving, either because they are almost impossible to save, the cost of saving them is too high, or even if saved, they won’t bring happiness.
Chaotic private life
Betrayals are expressions and results of selfish desires. People who cheat have their own agendas, some for money, some for emotional fulfillment, and some simply for physical needs.
If the affair is just with one fixed person, it’s relatively easier to save; but if it’s with multiple people, and their private life is in complete disarray, involving many others, including those who only satisfy their physical needs, it’s pointless to try to save them.
From a certain perspective, such people have psychological and physical problems that are hard to fix. It’s not just an addiction issue; even if it is, it’s tough to quit. You can’t expect someone to be both a great psychologist and a great doctor, treating themselves.
Chaotic private life also increases the risk of contracting diseases. If you’re unlucky and get infected, it’s too late for regrets. There are many such lessons in reality.
Betrayal accompanied by domestic violence and other vices.
These vices include gambling and drug addiction, but the most common is domestic violence.
In a marriage, if you encounter someone with vices, it’s impossible to be happy, so it’s better to choose to leave. No matter how good they are in other aspects, it’s not worth the cost.
Analyzing vices reveals a lack of responsibility, no self-control, and cold-blooded selfishness. If you can understand these aspects, you’ll realize the kind of person you’re living with and can predict the outcome of your life.
It’s essential to discuss domestic violence specifically. When it happens for the first time, you must say no and not hold onto the illusion that they can change. In reality, domestic violence often escalates, rather than suddenly stopping.
Also, be aware that emotional abuse is also a form of domestic violence, and it can be more damaging than physical abuse because the harm is invisible and intangible. When you realize the harm, it’s often too late, and you may have severe psychological or mental illnesses.
Betrayal by forming another family.
The most common form of this is when they already have children with someone else. This kind of betrayal doesn’t need to be saved because it’s impossible to save.
What is “saving”? Saving means returning to the marriage and family, and this return must be thorough. But if they’ve already formed another family, it’s impossible to turn back. Even if you’re still legally married and living together, this life will only bring you more pain and disputes, not stability and happiness.
Moreover, from a long-term perspective, their children with someone else are also their legal children. Will they not care about them? If they do, they’ll have a connection with the other person, and you’ll have to face this for the rest of your life. Can you bear it? If they don’t care, they might just give the other person some money and cut all ties. You might think you’re relieved, but don’t you think that if they can abandon their own flesh and blood, how can you trust they’ll be true to you?
Furthermore, if you don’t end this marriage, you’re not taking responsibility for your own children. The children from their other family will have legal rights, such as inheritance rights… You can’t protect your own children’s rights because of your own escape or weakness.
Yes, marriage is a personal matter, and others have no right to interfere. Everyone has the right to choose and freedom. But if you’re willing to listen, in situations like the above, the best choice is to end the relationship and start a new life.
Because living in such a marriage is only going to bring pain and suffering; why not choose to endure some more valuable and meaningful pain, and tolerate some more responsible suffering for yourself?