I don’t know when it started, but independence and happiness have become synonymous for women. It seems the more independent a woman is, the happier she becomes.
Independent ≠ Isolated ≠ Opposed
When you think of independent women, who comes to mind? What does an independent woman look like to you?
Most people envision independent women as “career-focused powerhouses,” “not relying on men,” “not spending a penny of men’s money, even supporting men”…
These seem to be the standard characteristics of independent women, adorning them with glamorous attributes. But once these clothes are stripped off, this person cannot be called an “independent woman.”
Ask yourself honestly, if you truly become such a person, would you really be happy?
Moreover, is this truly independence?
A woman who constantly needs to prove to others that she is an independent woman, conforming to the expectations of “independent women should be like this, independent women should be like that,” gradually packaging herself, is not genuinely independent.
Truly independent women do not see themselves as superior or full of arrogance. They do not detach from social circles or avoid intimate relationships in the name of independence.
They do not look down on men, fuel gender opposition, but instead, they respect everyone who chooses their way of life equally.
We must understand that being good at being alone does not mean enjoying solitude; being good at independence does not mean enjoying being independent. If someone genuinely enjoys being independent, being alone is independence, otherwise, being alone is simply loneliness.
So, how do you prove if someone is genuinely independent or falsely independent?
A falsely independent person, when facing breakups, divorces, etc., doubts their excellence, their efforts. A truly independent person does not doubt their worth in such situations, nor do they doubt they deserve love.
In simple terms, anyone who needs to prove their independence to others, feels worthy of love only because of their independence, and looks down on others due to their independence, is not an independent woman.
Men and women are first and foremost individuals, then men and women
Compared to “independent men,” “independent women” are more commonly heard. Many people wonder why society sets so many independence standards for women but not for men.
In this regard, women are both fortunate and unfortunate. Women are lucky because unlike men, they are not constantly taught to be strong and independent from a young age.
Unfortunate because as we grow older, regardless of gender, the number of people we can rely on diminishes. Parents age, children grow up, until eventually, we can only rely on ourselves.
Independence does not have gender differences; it is not a criterion for women or men but a necessary condition for anyone seeking a happy life.
Simply put, whether a person should be independent does not depend on gender.
From birth, we are independent individuals, albeit undeveloped in personality, thoughts, and finances, relying on parents and the external environment to grow into well-rounded individuals.
While the physical dependence may be temporary, the psychological and spiritual aspects are lifelong.
As we reach the age of taking responsibility for our lives and carrying burdens, true independence becomes crucial.
However, independence is not selfishness, not just claiming rights without fulfilling duties.
Behind the pursuit of independence for most people lies the desire for freedom—freedom in life, choices, consumption.
They want to break free from their current constrained lives and act recklessly. Pursuing freedom is not wrong, but true freedom does not mean being independent to do as one pleases. It means being independent to take responsibility for one’s life, family, and children.
Not because of these conditions, we become independent and free, but because we are independent, we have these conditions to truly achieve freedom.
Happiness is Your Own Business—Others Can’t Give It to You
Due to self-ignorance, people often label themselves negatively: low self-esteem, lacking emotional intelligence, lacking ambition.
But on the contrary, while you may not be aware of your strengths, you understand your weaknesses. You may not know what kind of life you like, but deeply understand what kind of life you dislike.
A long time ago, in a small village, two orphaned girls were raised by their aunt. Despite facing hardships as non-biological children, the sisters aspired to leave the village for the city.
Growing up in such a family, the children inevitably longed for comfort and wealth, disliking the past of scarcity and deprivation. This led the two girls onto different paths in life.
The elder sister became a salesperson, mingling with wealthy individuals. Her relationships were either with third parties in other relationships or dating wealthy heirs.
Although she met men who genuinely cared for her, they appeared too poor in her social circle!
On the other hand, the younger sister worked, studied, and pursued certifications while engaging in relationships with both rich and poor men. However, these relationships always ended because she lacked confidence and felt unsuitable for commitment.
In the end, the elder sister became a third party, swiftly gaining assets that most people could not earn in a lifetime. Meanwhile, the younger sister returned to the small town, bought a house and a car, eventually marrying a man who had waited for her for four to five years, forming a happy family.
Both sisters desired comfort and wealth, but one relied on others while the other relied on herself. Who do you think is truly happy?
Now, as I stand at a crossroads in life, I know which path is right, without exception. But I do not take it because it is too painful.
Those who avoid hardship will only endure it for a lifetime.