Every life is unique, and everyone will embrace their own future alone. “You can’t wait for someone else to arrange your life, you have to fight for what you want.”
If you let someone else manage your life, once you lose that support, you’ll be lost and confused, unable to find your way back. A life you build yourself, even if it’s full of struggles and challenges, is a life you won’t regret.
Expect Less, Feel Better
A while back, my friend Sarah almost divorced her husband, John.
Sarah and John were college sweethearts. They got married right after graduation, and Sarah became a stay-at-home wife while John started his own business.
Back then, Sarah put all her hopes on John, expecting him to give her everything she wanted.
She demanded John call her at least once a day when he wasn’t with her, come home right after work to be with her, and give her “surprises” for holidays and anniversaries.
Whenever Sarah did something “good,” she’d tell John right away, just to get praise.
John cooperated at first, but as he got busier, he didn’t have time. Sarah felt disappointed and kept calling him to check in. Sometimes, John would come home late, and Sarah felt neglected and even more frustrated.
His business wasn’t doing well, so Sarah pressured John to find ways to make money. She was constantly worried. Finally, John felt suffocated and asked for a divorce.
Sarah finally realized that her excessive demands were pushing her happy marriage to the edge. She decided to change and save her marriage.
Sarah got a job outside the home and became financially independent. She gave John his space and stopped being so clingy, which reduced their conflicts.
Every day, John would leave for work in his suit, and Sarah thought he looked so handsome. When John closed a deal, Sarah celebrated with him. Even when John left his dirty socks in the washing machine or didn’t wash the dishes after dinner, Sarah didn’t mind so much anymore.
John felt less restricted and focused on his work. Their relationship started to warm up. On their anniversary, John, for the first time ever, bought Sarah a big bouquet of flowers, thanking her for her support.
Sarah said that before, it was like she had a magnifying glass, and every unmet need was magnified a thousand times. Now, she’s relaxed, has fewer expectations, and feels much more comfortable.
“If there’s no excessive joy, there’s no extreme sorrow.” If you expect too much, once you fall, it’s like falling into an abyss. A less demanding mindset is more likely to bring hope.
Once you achieve your goal, it’s a pleasant surprise.
Rely Less, Grow More
Some people like to follow in others’ footsteps, being pushed along by a helping hand.
Their own drive gets buried under the word “dependence.” In reality, no one has an obligation to pay for someone else’s laziness.
David, for example, used his work setbacks as an excuse to spend his days playing video games, sleeping late, and relying on others for everything.
His son encouraged him to find a job, but David came up with excuses. When his neighbor asked him to play mahjong, he jumped at the chance. Their family’s income relied entirely on his wife, Mary, who ran a restaurant.
Mary worked long hours, buying supplies, selling food, and taking care of their family of three. She kept the restaurant and their home in order. Their son, Robert, was a good kid and often helped his mom with chores.
Occasionally, when they looked tired, David would act cute, say nice things, and they’d laugh it off, letting him continue playing video games.
Later, the restaurant’s chef quit, and Mary got pregnant with their second child. She couldn’t handle the business anymore, and their good life went downhill. David lost his video game capital and was dragged into “reality.” He finally realized that slacking off only pushed his family deeper into a pit.
He started to earn money, helped others, and gradually gained the respect of those around him. He also found his true purpose in life.
“No matter the good or bad, don’t set limits for your life, lest you block the sunshine.” Cowering in your comfort zone, relying on others, is just an excuse for laziness.
Only by breaking free from dependence can you break out of your cocoon and grow. Every time you take the initiative, you add a bright touch to your success.
Love Yourself, Find More Happiness
I once read a quote: “When the whole world abandons you, remember that you have billions of cells living for you.”
People rush around, exhausted, wearing down their bodies and losing their health. Only then do they realize they’ve lost their most precious selves. Loving yourself gives you confidence in life and support for the future.
Honestly, Maya’s life wasn’t smooth sailing. In middle school, her mother left without a word. As an adult, she struggled in the city, went through a relationship crisis, and couldn’t blend in with the busy, anxious environment.
So, she moved to a village called “Little Forest” and poured all her love and ingenuity into a self-sufficient life.
She farmed in the spring, made homemade iced rice wine in the summer, harvested crops in the fall, and cooked warming meat dishes in the winter. She ate homemade bread and jam in the morning and enjoyed the sounds of insects at night, making a simple life vibrant and flavorful.
It was this genuine love that gave Maya the deepest courage. After receiving a letter from her mother, Maya became even more hopeful about the future. She decided to return to the city and try again.
In psychology, there’s a concept called “self-compassion.”
It refers to the ability to soothe and care for yourself, to avoid self-criticism and rumination.
People often focus on the emotions of others, get caught up in irrelevant things, and forget to love themselves. Over time, they become tense and live a dull life.
When we learn to live for ourselves and love ourselves, all pressure and resentment are easily released, and all obstacles and pain can be overcome. Treat yourself with love: have passion in your eyes, hope in your heart, and you’ll have hope in your life.
Loving yourself improves the quality of your life.
Nietzsche said, “You must understand that the script of your life is not your parents’ sequel, not your children’s prequel, and not your friends’ side story.” Lower your expectations of others, and your mind will be more peaceful.
Reduce your dependence on others, and you’ll feel more accomplished. Starting today, love yourself, enjoy the peace and surprises of life. May you run towards the sun in your long life, leave the shadows behind, and live the life you want.